btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
