therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
