Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
