Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
