All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
