Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
