Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ttyl tear gas
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
