I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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