very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
