Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just cropdusted the office
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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