What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
