Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Four minutes until I can fart!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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