Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
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