I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
