apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
