I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
