So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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