I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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