Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
