I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
