The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
