It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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