He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
