So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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