I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
