you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
