let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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