Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
