the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
