how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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