She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
