I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
