totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
