think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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