So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
