i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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