hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
