the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
