It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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