Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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