So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
