her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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