i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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