No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
