Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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