fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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