im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
