last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
