Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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