They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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