I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
