It's like God shit irony all over that family
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
