what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
