so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
