So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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