Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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