Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
